Jesus’ failed prophecy

Christians say Jesus was dead and buried for three days. But Friday night to Sunday morning is only a day and two nights. A tour operator trying to sell that package as ‘three days’ would be prosecuted. So what’s up with the Christians?

Jonah, three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish

A case can be made for the Roman practice of inclusive numbering. They would have said our week was eight days, running from Sunday to Sunday. They based their own week on the public market day which was held every eighth day throughout the Roman Empire, and they therefore said the week was nine days. They were brilliant engineers, but not strong in pure mathematics.

However Roman numbering doesn’t deal with the issue of Biblical prophecy. Christians are at pains to say that Jesus was correct in all his prophecies. Here is the prophecy by Jesus that causes them to say he was buried for three days:

“For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.” (Matthew 12:40)

Christians will wriggle and wriggle to claim that late Friday plus Saturday plus early Sunday equals three days, but there is no way they can find the necessary three nights.

Clearly, if Jesus was prophesying about himself, a Sunday morning resurrection fails to meet the criteria. He failed to stay under long enough.

Sorry, but the claim of accurate prophecy must be disallowed.

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For Writers: ABNA – the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

ABNA is an annual contest “to find and develop new voices in fiction” sponsored by Amazon, Penguin, and Publishers Weekly. Its two Grand Prizes (General Fiction and Young Adult Fiction) include publication by Penguin with a $15,000 advance. The winnowing process from 5,000 entries in each category goes through several stages: the pitch, the first chapter, a complete review by Publishers Weekly, and a popularity contest of the final three by Amazon readers. This process is a reasonable mirror of an individual browsing in a bookstore, assessing, reading and then recommending a book, so I don’t see any problem with the contest’s first ruthless cut being made on the pitch alone.

In 2009: “The Gospel According to the Romans” made it to the Quarterfinals. Here is one of the professional reviews:

The great hope for unpublished writersHere is one of the professional reviews:

“This is exceptionally erudite, flawless, and subversively delicious. The author blends an almost vicious comedy to some serious history for a compelling historical fiction. The characters are richly drawn, the narrative fierce, muscular, compelling. The author has mastery of prose and story and knows how to mold the English language into an empire of a story. The action and dialogue move the story forward as well as develop the characters. The setting is atmospheric with the era pitch perfect. This is a story I would like to read in full.”

But of course one good review doesn’t win the whole thing for you. In the case of “The Gospel”, whoever the next reader was rejected it. Perhaps the process favors extremely professional but strictly mainstream works (as opposed to the implied unconventionality in the hyped “new voices”), because at various points a single reviewer can stop a manuscript from going any further. This is unfortunate for those of us who don’t mind upsetting 50% of the reading public for the sake of connecting with the other 50%.

ABNA tries to compensate for this by having multiple judges, and by changing them each year, so that no single opinion will dominate. But it is still the mainstream publisher’s consensus view, rather than the visionary small press view, that is likely to produce the final winner.

Regardless of how you see yourself as a writer, if you write novel-length fiction you should enter ABNA for the sake of getting closer to your publishing and reading markets… as well as for the chance at that Penguin contract!

Who were the Twelve?

Jesus attracted a wide range of Jewish followers, both men and women. Inasmuch as he was trying to get all Israel to turn away from foreign influences and back to the Mosaic Law, he was talking to all parts of Jewish society.

It would be reasonable, then, for his closest followers to include representatives of the various philosophies and social classes, and to be a cross-section of Jewish male society. When Jesus debated with “the Pharisees”, for example, there is no reason to think that they weren’t members of the Twelve.

Jesus and the Twelve

In “The Gospel According to the Romans” I identify the Twelve in this way:

    • The fishermen James and John, and Andrew and Simon Peter – illiterate, unaffiliated with a particular philosophy, but anti-Roman
    • Judas Iscariot (or “the Sicariot”) and Simon Zealotes (“the Zealot”) as Zealots – part of the armed resistance to the Romans
    • Little James and his brother Judas Thaddeus as Essenes who avoided Romans
    • Philip and Bartholomew, Pharisees who argued about correct attitudes regarding the Law and the Romans
    • Thomas, a Sadducee willing to make allowances for the Romans
    • Matthew, a foreign-born Greek-educated Jew who had worked for the Romans – a lost sheep who was returned to the flock

This covers the range of Jewish men. Jesus also had a diversity of  women among his followers, such as the three who lived in Tiberias at Herod Antipas’ court: Mary Magdalene; Joanna the wife of Herod’s steward Chuza; and Susanna. A couple more, Mary and Martha, were sisters of Lazarus, close associates of Jesus, and assistants at the resurrection of Lazarus.

The premise of the novel

The man we call Saint Matthew, being the tax collector “sitting at the receipt of custom” in Capernaum, is by definition a Roman agent appointed by Pontius Pilate. As such, he has the additional function of keeping an eye on the Zealots and other religious fanatics who head the insurgency against the Roman occupation. ‘Ragheads’, the Romans call them. After Jesus recruits Matthew to help purify Israel and overthrow the Romans – ‘Pigs’, the Jews call them –  Matthew continues to feed information to Pilate.

The local tax collector in Capernaum was - by definition - a Roman agent

Matthew himself tells the story. He is a Greek-speaking Jew, born and educated in Damascus, with a skeptical fascination for religion and politics. He is an irreligious opportunist and has friends on both sides in the conflict. He dines with the Roman military, spies for them, and wants Roman citizenship. But he also lives with Jesus, preaches for him, and falls in love with Mary of Bethany. Whichever way he turns he will cause the death of people he likes, and, in either camp, whoever suspects him will kill him.

By contextualizing the words and actions of Jesus within the Roman Occupation of Palestine and the repeated Jewish insurrections, a strangely modern picture emerges in ‘The Gospel According to the Romans’: a charismatic religious fundamentalist, opposing an occupying superpower.